ebb and flow

It is early morning. I have been up for over two hours and it is just past 7:00 a.m. Why am I up? Dreams, thoughts, feelings flow through my being. The past couple of days have been punctuated by a sense of contentment, but today I feel my old nature pressing in and saying, “Do something. You can’t just sit around being content!” And so the tides of life continue to ebb and flow.

Awhile back I wrote about dabbling versus mastery as I encountered the lovely blue jays in my path. This morning as I read a journal from four years ago, I noticed that the answers for which I was searching were right in front of me. Just this week, I communicated with two friends about their own messages being right there for them, too. One showed up in music they had written over the years. The other in art purchased without any "known" rhyme or reason. And so it is that I believe the answers are often right before our very eyes. Sometimes we are open to seeing them and other times we are not. And sometimes it is just not the right time to see.

Still I ponder where is the balance between hyper-focusing and/or just waiting for things to happen. What is my responsibility to move things along and/or when do I just need to get out of the way? Am I willing to risk appearing foolish or (gasp) failure by putting myself out there? Or will I be like my encouraging creative friend who says we must celebrate the rejection letters, because that means we made one more step toward our art?

So, the question for me today is what am I willing to risk? Time? Energy? Ego? Failure? If my dream is to share my gifts* with the world, how can I move toward the fulfillment of that dream if I sequester myself behind a wall of fear?

How about you? What are you willing to risk today? What holds you back from exploring or expanding your dreams? Are there small steps that could get you going? Is your tide ebbing or flowing right now?

*Defining my “gifts” is another roadblock, for sure…and definitely the topic of another post ☺.

photo from yelapa, mexico by h3images

the collective "they"

I looked at the young woman and I saw a hundred others; perhaps even a bit of myself. If we see it in someone else, we have it in ourselves. Fact or Fiction? What did I see in her? I saw the holding on. The struggle to maintain an appearance that she thought was pleasing. I saw her battling to stay in composure and keep others at a distance. And I saw her pleading for someone to come a little closer.

Is that not a struggle we all have? Come closer, but not too close. Searching for our true identity—one that we can call our own rather than one created to “please” everyone around us.

This week I have been helping facilitate a personal growth workshop for Soltura. With a little break in the action, I thought I would share the above ponderings along with the following words from Sue Monk Kidd. As always, I would love to know your thoughts.

“Change begins with the recognition that we’re not so much an “I” as a “they.” We may like to think that we’re individuals living out our own unique truth, but more often we’re scripts written collectively by society, family, church, job, friends, and traditions.

We need our outer roles and identities, of course, but we also need to live them authentically, in ways that are true to our unique and inner self. When we live exclusively out of the expectations thrust on us from without, rather than living from the truth emerging within, we become caught in the collective “they.”

So if all those roles were suddenly stripped away, what would be left? Who would you be then?”

--Sue Monk Kidd. When the Heart Waits

photo © h3images

beginnings and endings

Anyone who has been reading here recently will know that dreams have been very present in my mind these last several days. Dreams to me represent a kind of beginning. A change of the wind. A longing of the heart. And so it seems a bit ironic to me that in this time of new beginnings and wondering what comes next, I have found myself in the midst of endings. As I ponder more, however, I realize it is not so ironic after all, because in order for something new to begin something else may need to end.

I have spent the last two weeks ending with students who I have watched transform over the past eight months. They came in as caterpillars, wrapped themselves tightly into cocoons and now I have the honor and joy of watching them spread their wings and fly away. It has been harder for me this year than last, because I now know from experience that many of them I may never see again. And so even with the best intentions of “I’ll see you around” or “We’ll get together for coffee,” I know that we are ending.

So, how do I sit with that? Knowing we have done good work together and we cannot help but be changed because of our time together AND we may never find ourselves face to face ever again. Longing. Sadness. Congratulations. Well-done & wanting more. Can it be enough?

In addition to students, there were also good-byes with colleagues who I have come to love deeply. The beautiful part is that we marked these endings with remembering, laughter, tears and holy communion. This feels so different from other relationships that have simply drifted away.

And so I sit this morning filled with possibility for future dreams as the season changes AND also a longing for the things and relationships that have come to an end. Dreams. Beginnings. Good-byes. Endings. Will I dream well today? Will I allow space for longing? Will you? What do you think of beginnings and endings? I invite you to come keep me company today, I have a feeling I may need a little help letting go ☺ .

lucy's photos from puerta vallarta

spreading wings

I love the beautiful "randomness" of the world; the universe. Having written and thought about dreams over the last several days, I was not at all surprised to see this "random" computer-generated thought appear in my inbox today:

"It may be those who do most, dream most." --Stephen Leacock

So what of dreaming and following our heart's desire? Do those who dream more do more? Or do they simply enjoy more of what they do? This all reminds me of another favorite quote of mine by Howard Thurman. Some of you might recognize it:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

In my last post, I used the word "calling" in association with returning to graduate school to pursue a degree in counseling psychology. Having been a traditionalist, a conformist, whatever you want to call it, most of my life, I was used to functioning by practicalities like, Get a degree that is marketable. (I chose accounting.) Believe in God. (I found myself in a fundamental-based tradition.) Practical car. (Toyota mini-van.) House? (Two story, white house with room for children.) Get the picture?

Now please don't get me wrong, because I am not knocking any of those things. I chose them, after all, and they have been a formative part of my life. My point, however, is that it was not until I allowed myself to dream & listen (step out of "practical" patterns perhaps) that I ever began to really hear the call of my life. And, Now, the possibilities seem endless where before they felt quite finite. I began to spread my wings!

While at Mars Hill Graduate School I heard the word "calling" used often during my early years. It sounded good and began to stir something inside me, but it was not really until last week when I heard my supervisor say, "Listen to you! What a wonderful time of your life. You have found your calling!" Did I find it or did it find me? Somehow it was through the words of another that I started to understand that MY dream and MY calling are uniquely intertwined.

Random? Created? Unique? Those three things also seem intricately intertwined with each other as well as with dreams and calling. Where will they all lead? Who knows, but it is exciting to ponder. I find it amazing to see what happens when I can let go and quit trying to guess what is practical or acceptable or marketable or even possible...

So, what does the universe hold for you? Are you open to the possibilities that lie ahead? Will you allow yourself the chance to dream and listen today? It is often hard to know what the call may be or from where it comes, but one thing I do know is that a bird must spread its wings in order to fly ☺.

lucy's photos from puerta vallarta

fight, flight or a third way?

We are slowly discovering what many of us are calling "the Third Way," neither flight nor fight, but the way of compassionate knowing. Both the way of fight and the way of flight fall short of wisdom, although they look like answers in the heat of the moment. When it's an either/or world you have no ability to transcend, to hold together, to be creative.

from Hope Against Darkness by Richard Rohr

I read the above quote this morning and it really resonated with me. As is often the case, many different thoughts and ideas started swirling around in my mind and fighting for attention. I thought of my recent post, feel your feelings as well as Sunrise Sister’s post here. The other topic that ran through my mind was the Couples Workshop that I am leaving to facilitate tomorrow.

As I reflect on these three topics, I realize that they cover relationships with ourselves, the world and committed personal relationships—as well as our overreaching relationship with God which always shows up (I believe) when our eyes and hearts are open ☺.

Limited on time this morning, I cannot delve into this as I would like, however, here are a few thoughts that worked their way onto paper.

Will the couples (will we as people; I as a person) choose to fight or flee or will they decide to try something new in relationship? We must be risk takers in order to be peacemakers. They go hand in hand. It is sometimes risky to seek peace. To seek a new way of looking at things. To do something different when the old is not working.

In living each day there is always the urge to fight or flee. Sinking into depression and not considering options can be a form of flight. Immediately going to outside sources for cures, saying “Nothing is wrong” or merely treating of symptoms is a form of fight. Feeling the pain, being in it, wrestling with it, resonates of the "compassionate knowing" of which Rohr speaks.

There are so many ways to look at this, but for now these are the bubblings of my brain. I am not sure if I will be back here over the next week or not. I hope you will ponder some of these thoughts along with me. Also, if you are so inclined, please say a prayer, send special thoughts, warm feelings, whatever it is you may do to the brave men and women who will be participating in Soltura’s first couples workshop. I am one of the facilitators and I am excited, encouraged AND nervous as can be!

May each of us consider choosing a “compassionate knowing” rather than fight or flight as we enter this new week. Peace! ☺